I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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