you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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