Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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