I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
