I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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