the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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