he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
