tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
