Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
