i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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