The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
