You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Randomize
