She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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