If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize