im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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