i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
