I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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