Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
