i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I love you. Go after that dick
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