Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why is there bacon in the couch?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
