what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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