walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
