We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
