You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
