so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
