Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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