The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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