My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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