I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
