please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
