I am puke
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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