Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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