wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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