so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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