I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
