I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
