The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
