It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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