What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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