I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
