yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize