She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
