We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
