just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
