so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
