You smell like stripper and shame
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
