Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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