3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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