Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
