This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
