the condom got lost in my hair
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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