I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
