Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
