I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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