North Korea, Best Korea!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
