I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
