My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
