Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
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My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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