so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He did a backflip because drugs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
