What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
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How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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