very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
