my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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