I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you had me at cake vodka
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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