boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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