The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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