If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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