If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
