she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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