I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
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What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
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Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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