First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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