As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
