Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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