My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
