Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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