Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
