I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
