I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
