I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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