I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
