In the future we'll all be gay
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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