Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
