turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
