I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
