We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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