We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
